


Unwilling Attachments (South Park x Male!Reader)

by RobespierreforFrance



Category: South Park, South Park RPG, Stick of Truth - Fandom
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Eventual relationship, Fowl language, M/M, MALE READER INSERT, Multi, Slow Burn, Some implied relationships - Freeform, Stick of Truth, Timeskip of sorts, curse words, male reader - Freeform, rerun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2018-08-17 00:33:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8123644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobespierreforFrance/pseuds/RobespierreforFrance
Summary: It seems that the curse of the stick has risen up from the depths of murky lake of Stark's Pond and has taken over the minds of those that have fought over the object that rules over the rules once again. This time, a new mind has entered the town.(Y/N) (L/N) is the new new kid of South Park Colorado. He's unhappy about the move, unhappy about all the snow, and unhappy about the fact that he still has to go to school. The only thing that seems to enlighten this unwelcome move is the fact that teens still think LARPing is cool. If only he knew that such thoughts would transport him into a world that completely different then the world he knew.(Male!Reader x South Park)





	1. Prologue: Newcomer

**Author's Note:**

> All characters belong to Matt Stone and Trey Parker. (Y/N) (L/N) belongs to Reader-san. Story and extra named characters belong to RobespierreforFrance 
> 
> Thank you for reading
> 
> Expect swearing
> 
> :)

 

 

 

In the end, complaining and moping around didn't even matter to his father. Nothing could persuade the tightass businessman of a father that moving to a small mountain town called South Park in the middle of nowhere, Colorado was a good fucking idea. Not his loving grandmother who tried to tell her youngest son that moving away from their hometown would break up the communication between whatever was left of their small family. Not even his mother, who tried her hardest to keep the marriage between the two alive for five years before divorcing could get her ex-husband to stay just so she could see her son. Not even his son, who he fucking fought over his exhausted ex-wife for custody for eleven months, could make him change his mind. 

And (Y/N) was pissed at that fact. 

Glaring out of the window, watching the snow covered trees fly by, he ignored his father as he tried to talk some sense into his son. He didn't want to speak to him for what he has done to him for the past few weeks. The stress of the divorce was enough pressure for the sixteen year old. Now he has to deal with the fact that he'll never see the friends he was  _finally_ comfortable with and was even willing to invite over for a few hours. He has the stress of being the new kid, live up to the awkward teen look that immediately came with that package. And it was all because of the fact that his father just wanted to get more money than he already was getting.

"(Y/N)," he heard. He turned more towards the window, crossing his arms tighter across his chest for a further, pissed off as fuck, effect. His father took no notice. "I've said this before and I'll say it again. Moving was the right thing to do. We'll get enough money to send you to college, so you can make a living out of yourself instead of having you sit in your room and play that silly Moocraft game."

(Y/N)'s eye twitched but he kept silent.

"The town is small but I'm sure they're looking for suitable teens who are willing to work. I'm expecting you to get a job once summer starts." The (H/C)-nette had to hold back a snort. Judging by all the pictures he's seen of South Park, he doubted there will be summer. "And I'm sure you'll gain friends that will help you out in the business world once you do enough favors for them that will, indeed, make them indebted to you."

"Shut up, dad," (Y/N) muttered, his glare intensifying. He hoped his father could feel the waves of hate and anger rolling off of him; feel the heat that he was sure felt hotter than molten lava. "I don't fucking care."

"Language."

"Fuck, fuck, fuck fu--"

"(Y/N) (M/N) (L/N)!" There goes the middle name. "You will do as I say! Stop your pouting! You are a sixteen year old boy, not a three year old. You're going to suck up your attitude and pay respect to your father."

"Fuck off."

His father looked ready to snap at him again, his fuzzy eyebrows furrowed as his beady eyes were hardening as they watched the road ahead of them. He had his mouth already open, breath sucking in, chest puffed up as if he were preparing a lion's roar through a movie reel. The man's shoulders suddenly slackened as his stiff form slumped in the seat, clenched knuckles nearly falling off the steering wheel. His father looked older than he was, and when (Y/N) glanced over to see his father's reaction to his outburst, guilt pinched at his heart. 

(Y/N) felt bad now. He knew it wasn't entirely his dad's fault for making the big move. The head CEO wanted the most capable worker to be sent to run the new section in Colorado and they picked Mr. (L/N) for the job. And wherever he went, (Y/N) had to follow. He pushed the guilt into a dark corner and tried to lock it away, trying to continue fuming over the move for the rest of the drive to their new house. But he lost the enthusiasm as he saw the many creases in his dad's face. They settled into silence for the rest of the trip.

It wasn't long before their new house appeared from behind a snow mound. It was as magnificent for a house in South Park. It wasn't entirely fancy, just a two story brick house with a chimney on the right side. Boxes were on the cleared off driveway as burly men unloaded some more from the "Move-It" truck that held the last of their stuff from their old home. As the two stepped out of the car, (Y/N) noticed the white curtains hanging in every window, most likely left over from the last family that lived there. He knew the master bedroom was reserved for his father, considering he was the head of the household, and (Y/N) had the choice for whatever room was left over. The one that wasn't picked would most likely be the guestroom or the room for whenever his grandmother visited willingly.

"Mr. (L/N)," one of the movers called out. He had on a navy blue rain jacket, unlike the rest of the movers who just wore overalls and work boots as they dropped their boxes on the ground and put the couches and beds in the respective rooms. "Glad you made it here so early. We would have had to charge you extra if you didn't get here before the last box hit the pavement."

"Well, we wouldn't want that, now do we?" his father replied. Then he turned to his son. "Why don't you go inside and pick out your room. Mine is already set up so you just need to tell them which one is yours.Then you can go look around town for a while. Just be home before dinner." After that, he went back to the other man and continued a conversation. This left (Y/N) by himself, which he was glad for.

His father had the entire house painted the way he wanted it to be - white walls for the kitchen while everything else was a calm teal. His own room had been painted some color all adults seemed to like, while he left the guest rooms white as well. They would paint the room (Y/N) picked a (F/C) once he told the movers where it was going to be. 

The (H/C)-nette walked past the living room and went up the stairs, grasping onto the polished oaked railing as it curved up onto the second floor. Windows, their drapes hung open and away from the glass, were lined up evenly through both hallways as the staircase sat in between. On the left was his father's bedroom and one of the others. The right held the other bedroom, the bathroom, and a closet. (Y/N) went to the left first, checking the bedroom that was across from his fathers first before the other. He was disappointed to see a plain room with a semi-large window on the left side. He left the room and went to the other, which was definitely more satisfactory.

The ceiling came down at a slight slant as it reached to the bay window that was directly across from the doorway. A sitting area was already cushioned in white pillows. It was the same size as the other room, but seemed more like him. He was sure he'd be able to hide a few of the things that he knew disappointed his father somewhere in this room, unlike the other. He went back downstairs, passing one of the movers and told him which room to send his things to. He was sure to be polite, which he was sure would surprise his father if they even told him that (Y/N) said "please" and "thank you" in the same sentence these days.

He noticed that his father was still talking to the main guy, not even noticing as (Y/N) slipped passed them to explore the town. While he was sure he wouldn't see much that was different from other towns, he definitely didn't want to be anywhere near the business talk he was sure the other guy was being tortured with.

 

*****

 

 

(Y/N) would be lying if he said that South Park wasn't interesting. But he would also be lying if he said it was. It was above expectations on his "Small Town" grading sheet he had prepared just for this situation. He was expecting plaid shirts, daisy dukes, and horses everywhere. What he got were pointy ears, cardboard weapons and a few cows that must have wandered away from their pens. 

What caught his attention were those with the pointy ears and obviously handmade weapons. They looked to be kids around his age, some looking more experienced then others in the wielding of cardboard swords and toy bow and arrows. It surprised him that they even thought about LARPing at this age. He only heard stories about it from online forums and RPs that went around the internet whenever he was stuck at home. He had always wanted to go to a tournament where he could dress up as a knight or a mage and pretend he wasn't some rich man's son for a few hours. He would have gladly taken the Jester just so he could have  _some_ fun in his life.

He must have been staring too long at one of the players. They had stopped walking with their party and stared right back at him, blue eyes wide with child-like wonder. Blonde hair peaked over a golden circlet that nearly covered the borderline of his longer pieces of hair and his undercut. A plastic, glued on ruby was directly in the middle. He wore blue shoulder pads, a teal tunic with matching trousers, a beaded brown belt around his waist, and a fairly heavy looking hammer in his gloved hands. In seconds, the boy was bounding over to him a large smile on his face.

"A newcomer for the humans!" he cried out, nearly tripping over his cerulean cape. "You must come with me! We need all the help we can get."

 

 

 


	2. Kingdom of Kupa Keep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another day, another chapter
> 
> Expect swearing... It's kinda hard to do a South Park fanfic without any...
> 
> :)

 

 

 

 

(Y/N) was confused. Extremely confused. This random, bubbly blonde boy comes up to him out of nowhere and looks up at him like he had a million rubies sewn into his skin and he was the new god to his just made up religion. And then he grabs his hand, nearly yanks out his entire left arm from its socket, and starts pulling him towards one of the few neighborhoods that were in this town. 

"I am called Butters, a Paladin for the humans of the KKK," the blonde boy introduces. (Y/N) nearly chokes on his saliva once those three letters went passed his lips, eyes wide and he wanted to rip himself away from the so called Paladin. "That stands for Kingdom of Kupa Keep, in case you were wondering," Butters continued. "Not that it matters much, but the Wizard wants us to say it."

"Wizard? Paladin?" (Y/N) managed to ask. "What the fuck is going on?" Paladin Butters turned onto one final street that had a row of similar styled houses on both sides of the street, all in different colors. Greens, reds, and blues were all that he saw.

"The Grand Wizard will explain everything once we get back to our kingdom," Paladin Butters said. He looked back, giving the (H/C)-nette a small, nervous smile before speaking again. "I give you my word, new kid."

(Y/N) merely grunted in return and stayed silent, now curious as to why he was being grabbed so suddenly. In seconds, the two were in front of a lime green house, a poorly done sign hanging on the fence with large letters saying " **Kupa Keep** ". Butters led them both to the front door, where he knocked and put away the hammer into a loop in his pants. Something crashed on the other side and the door was swiftly pulled open moments later.

A rather large boy with hot pink robes, a bright blue belt with a similar colored pouch around his waste, a blue towel over his shoulders and a large blue hat with a sewed on star glared down at them. He shifted his hazel eyes from Paladin Butters to (Y/N), his expression faltering.

"Paladin Butters," he spoke, puffing out his chest. At this new angle, (Y/N) could see locks of light brown hair peaking out from under his tall hat. "It seems you've brought back a warrior once again."

"Yes, your grand wizardness," Butters said, giving a bow towards the fatter boy. "He's new, just like the last one."

"Hopefully he isn't exactly like the last one," the Wizard muttered under his breath. (Y/N), who was the only one between the two that noticed, gave him a weird look. The Grand Wizard turned his full attention onto the (H/C)-nette.

"Please, come inside," he stepped away enough to open the door further. Butters pulled him in and (Y/N) heard the door slam shut behind him. "Quickly, quickly. We must get to the kingdom before the one I call mother interrupts us."

The boy pushed the two through the kitchen and into the back door, where many more kids were hanging about as if this was normal. Many were hitting wooden swords against pretty well-made dummies, though some were just hanging around. There was a grey cat in a pen that was just lazing about as a rather young looking teen with mousy brown hair and his tongue sticking out leaned against one of the sticks jutting from the ground. He physically brightened when he saw that the three were standing in the doorway. Across from him another boy with similar hair, though a few shades darker than the other, was tending to a plastic suction cupped arrow as a metal helmet rested on his head. He straightened as the wizard stepped into the backyard.

"New Kid, welcome to the Kingdom of Kupa Keep. I rule these lands; the lands filled with the most hardworking warriors I know," the Wizard said. He had swept his large hand across the small backyard. It was then that (Y/N) realized that there was a lopsided cardboard castle directly across from them. A beige tent sat in the middle as a sign was strung above it that had the kingdom's name written in sloppy red marker. Two red triangle shaped flags stood symmetrical in the front entrance. The wizard began to lead the two of them to the tent.

"I am this kingdom's king, the Grand Wizard," the fat boy glanced at him from the corner of his eyes," but some that I value to be close enough are allowed to call me Eric Cartman."

"He means that Kyle and Stan from the other side call him Cartman and he can't get them to stop," Paladin Butters jumped in.

"Oi!" the Wizard, Eric Cartman, snapped. He realized he dropped his act and quickly returned by adjusting his floppy hat and continued to speak to the (H/C)-nette.

"Anyways, I would like to speak with you in my chambers," was all he said before he entered the tent and closed the flaps with a swish. Butters was tapping his index fingers together as he looked sheepishly at the (E/C) eyed boy.

"Sorry about that, New Kid," the Paladin said. (Y/N) just rolled his eyes and gave a large sigh. He knew that he wouldn't be able to escape the backyard, for once he was ready to turn and bolt out of the neighborhood, he heard Cartman's voice call for him again. 

"The name's (Y/N)," he said before he headed towards the tent. "Call me that instead of 'New Kid'. It's really annoying." And then he was inside.

 

***   ***   ***   ***   ***   ***

 

Inside was definitely what he imagined it would be. It wad dark, drafty and definitely handmade in almost everything. An old maroon La-Z-Boy was sitting in a corner that had mostly long garden tools somehow held on to look like the Iron Throne from the infamous "Game of Thrones." A crudely drawn map of South Park was taped besides it, stretching from one side of the corner to the other side. Magazines and other miscellaneous things were strewn about the floor. 

The oddest thing in the "palace" was a white pillar that held a crimson pillow with golden tassels hanging on each end; a lamp with bright luminescent light hung above it. Resting softly, as if it belonged on the cushion, was an old stick that was covered in moss and dried algae.

"New Kid," Cartman said. He had suddenly appeared from out of the curtain of shadows that surrounded most of the tent inside. He had his arms clasped behind him, his chest puffed out as he feigned a sense of royalty, though (Y/N) couldn't detect any form of acting. This guy was good.

"I welcome you into the castle of Kupa Keep, where us loyal and brave humans keep the most precious artifact known to the universe," the Wizard continued. His hazel eyes strayed over to the stick under the light. "What you see before you is what we all call 'The Stick of Truth'. Whoever wields it has the power to control and change anything without repercussions. For now, the humans have taken hold and guard of the Stick, and we hope to have it in our grasps for hundreds of years."

Cartman the Grand Wizard began to walk, his back turned towards (Y/N) as he began a tale that was sure to bore the hell out of the (H/C)-nette.

"Deep in the lands of Zaron," he began, turning his head towards the boy so he could hear, "the humans of Kupa Keep struggled to stay alive, as they were attacked by the wicked Drow Elves of Larnia. Darkness falls, as the humans beg their King to save them. A noble king known only as the Grand Wizard."

The Wizard King puffed up his chest even more (if it were possible) as he said the last lines. Obviously he meant him, though he knew it would have been too proud of a statement to say that it was him.

He continued,"For a thousand years, the battle has been waged. Only the bravery of the Grand Wizard to protect his human followers. But even though the Wizard King was so undeniably cool, the Drow Elf army continued their attack. They seek the human's most treasured relic," at this, Cartman pauses and glances over once again to the old stick lying on the pillow.

"The Stick of Truth.... But the tides of war have changed. We got word of a new kid entering our lands. And only you, New Kid, can stop the war that has ravaged these lands for years, and show the world that the humans are the true warriors to prosper the lands and use the Stick." 

Cartman looked straight into (Y/N)'s eyes, stern and full of a fire he was sure  _must_ be an act. 

"So will you join us?" the Wizard asks, grasping onto one of (Y/N)'s hands. He was still staring intensely at the taller boy, who looked as if he had just heard that the world was about to end in six seconds and he was  _stuck touching a weird kid who thought he wanted to fight for humans_.

"If I say yes, will you let go of me?" was the first thing that (Y/N) blurts out. He regrets it as soon as he saw a smirk settle onto Eric Cartman's chubby face. This guy was fucking devious as hell.

"Of course. But first, you'll need to choose your class. There's Mage, Fighter, Thief, and Jew. A Mage is like a wizard, but not as cool. Though, you look sneaky enough to be a thief. But a Fighter has courage, honor and the ability to kick fucking ass. But, if you're a Jew, I guess we can never really be friends**," Cartman continued.

"What will it be, New Kid?"

"It's (Y/N)."

"Whatever. So, what will you be?"

 

 

 

 

**Do you want to be a Jew, Fighter, Thief, or Mage?**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Most of that paragraph is canon words from the "South Park: Stick of Truth" game. None of it is really my own opinions.


	3. (Y/N) the....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> South Park and their characters belong to Matt Stone and Trey Parker
> 
> (Y/N) (L/N) belongs to You
> 
> Any characters that do not seem familiar most likely are my own creations
> 
> :)

 

 

 

"Thief!" (Y/N) said without hesitation. The constant contact his hand and Cartman's meaty one was making it harder to hold back the disgust that threatened to crawl up his throat and make itself known on the dirt. "I'll be a thief!"

"Ah, so you have quick fingers and the gift of the silver tongue," the Grand Wizard mused. "Just like... Well, never mind about that. Let us introduce your to the kingdom as the new savior of Zaron!" The brunette boy led (Y/N) out of the tent, quickly calling attention to those that were still around the kid's backyard. A few new faces joined among the few that the (H/C)-nette had seen before he had the weird experience with the fatass next to him. One that particularly caught his attention was a boy (or girl, he really couldn't tell) with a long blonde wig and what seemed to be almost the complete Princess Zelda costume set upon their person. The wigged person looked up at him with fluttering baby blues, clearly knowing that they caught (Y/N)'s interest.

"Greetings my people!" Cartman began, shutting up those that were whispering silent among each other. "We have gained another member to our troops that will surely help us rule the land peacefully as we slaughter the Drow Elves!" A few of them cheered, though not very enthusiastically, and Cartman turned towards the thief-in-training.

"Besides me is the New Kid, (Y/N) the Thief!" More cheers, though they held much more vigor than the last. "He shall lead us to prosper, lead us to the rewards we rightfully deserve; lead us to victory and show Kahl and his stupid Elf army that they're no match for the army of the Humans! Seamstress!" Cartman pointed to a boy who grumbled at the name but stepped forwards anyways. "Go get our new recruit his new attire! And Clyde!" Cartman called out to the boy that was playing with the toy bow and arrow. "Prepare his weapons! Make sure nothing happens so we get a repeat of what happened last time! I hate repeats!"

At that, everyone was dismissed and went back to their own little jobs, most disappearing as soon as Cartman withdrew his attention from them. The one in the blonde wig was the only one that stayed, and they sidled up to (Y/N)'s side, trailing a hand down his arm and fluttering their eyelashes once more. Their other hand was twirling a stray blonde curl around their gloved finger and they giggled flirtatiously.

"I see you've caught the interest of the breathtaking and lovely Princess Kenny," the Grand Wizard commented. He smirked at the two, picking up a wooden staff that was leaning up against the tent. "She is the fairest maiden in all the kingdom." Princess Kenny giggled some more, fluttering her eyelashes even more as Cartman leant in and whispered to (Y/N),  _"Don't ask why Kenny wanted to be a chick, it's just how he seems to be rolling right now."_

Princess Kenny, who was now confirmed to be of the male gender though dressed as a female (which (Y/N) had no disagreement towards for he sometimes found the idea of wearing a skirt to be quite freeing in the leg area), said something to him, though it was muffled and the (H/C)-nette couldn't tell what he had said.

"Uh... Nice to meet your acquaintance," (Y/N) replied. He gave a sigh of relief when Princess Kenny blushed and giggled some more before skipping away to look into the man-made ring that had the kid with his tongue out, beginning to pet the poor cat inside.

"Princess Kenny seems to like you very much," Cartman commented. "It's not normal for her to walk up to someone such as yourself and flirt so openly."

(Y/N) didn't say anything. He had nothing  _to_ say. Who had a response to something like that? Definitely not him, for his socially awkward self had shown up and taken over the pissed and moody teen that was there moments earlier. Instead he noticed the "Seamstress" boy was running up to him, blue fabric in his arms.

"Your request, Grand Wizard," the boy said, giving him a sweeping bow and handing the bundle to the chubby boy besides him. Cautiously, he glanced up, locking eyes with the (H/C)-nette before looking back down. "It's the best I could find."

"Excellent. Soon you'll be known as the best Seamstress throughout the land, Mr. Trenton, with how quick and excellent you make our armor." The Grand Wizard pulled the string that was wrapped around the bundle, unfurling the mass of navy blue and handed it to the boy besides him. "Put this on and meet Clyde at the armory. He'll give you your weapon and then we'll see how well you fight, Thief (Y/N)."

(Y/N) rolled his eyes and looked oddly at the cloak in his hands. It was fairly long, just barely grazing the ground, and had a large hood. Swinging it over his shoulders and clasping it tightly around his neck, an odd buckle over the button that held a larger circle around a smaller circle on the bronze clasp. Something fell to the floor; dark green gloves that held the same symbol in a slightly darker green at the palms. (Y/N) paid little worry over that detail and lifted the hood over his head, where something truly marvelous happened.

Suddenly, the backyard to Cartman's house molded into something more medieval, where flames burned in a massive armory that held a much more decorated Clyde and the cat had turned into a beautiful steed that was being seen to by the blonde princess and the other boy. The Wizard, who sat on a log that used to be the back porch, held a massive white beard that trailed to the ground and matching long hair that was held back by a thin strip of leather.

Curious, (Y/N) looked down at his own form, seeing the pieces of leather and iron armor that now surrounded his body, his (F/C) jacket molding into a dented iron breastplate that felt lose on his person. He quickly tightened the straps and took off one of the gloves to feel the animal hide that made his trousers. His converse had been transformed into a pair of dragon scale boots that felt lighter than air. He took a step forwards and noted that his footsteps were barely heard.

He made his way quickly to the armory, where the merchant was readily waiting for him. In this new world, he certainly looked the part. His helmet was shinier and positioned correctly as it curved around his charming face. Brown eyes seemed to glint playfully though his smile gave away at how uncomfortable he was at this job. A sword was in his hand, about the length of (Y/N)'s arm, and a rag was in the other.

"Care to see my wares, weary traveler?" he asked the thief, setting down the sharp blade onto the table and tossed the rag underneath. He set his hands on his hips in fists as his breastplate sparkled against the flames that were bright and luminescent in the as his cerulean cape draped around his shoulders and stopped inches from the stone floor. Bits of his cinnamon hair peaked out from under the silver helmet. 

"Y-Yes, um...." (Y/N) answered, looking at the display before him. He settled his finger upon his lips, an unconscious habit, as he thought about what he should get. Prices were set on each weapon or attachment on yellowing parchment tied to it with withered string. He was thankful that he still had money in his wallet. "How about the  _Rogue's Dagger_. That looks reasonably priced."

"Of course! A wonderful choice," Clyde the Merchant said, grinning. He immediately went to retrieve it from the wall and traded it for the three gold coins it was almost worth. The dagger was beautifully crafted, despite how cheap it was. The handle had copper and Celtic designs were engraved along the grip. The blade was sharp and (Y/N) could see his reflection as clear as day as he pulled the dagger from the copper and maroon sheath. He nodded, happy with his purchase, and gave a polite smile at the merchant. 

"Thank you, come again!" Clyde called to him as soon as (Y/N) bid him a thank you and left. With his back turned from the armory, the (H/C)-nette searched for the Grand Wizard. Cartman had disappeared from his spot on the log and now (Y/N) was confused on what he was supposed to do now. 

"You look good!" a familiar voice said besides him. Paladin Butters had appeared next to (Y/N), a bright smile on his face. His blue handmade tunic had switched to that of something of finer make, his belt carved with runes he couldn't decipher where it was from. His hammer was much bigger and rested against his back, reminding (Y/N) of Mjolnir from the Thor movies though Butter's had a longer handle. His cape almost seemed to glimmer as the sun shined down upon them, his circlet looking to be made of bronze and what (Y/N) thought to be a ruby was, instead, a perfectly circular amethyst. (Y/N) could have sworn, though, that the last time he saw the Paladin the gem was a ruby. He just shrugged his shoulders and thanked Butters for the kind compliment.

"Since you're a thief and all, that means you gotta be preeeeetty sneaky, right?" the blonde asked him. "Has the Grand Wizard trained you in the arts?"

"No, not yet. I don't even know where he is at the moment," (Y/N) replied honestly. "Do you have any idea where he could be?"

The Paladin set his gloved hands on his chin as he closed his eyes and thought real hard, his tongue sticking out as he furrowed his brows. "He could be on the training grounds, if he hasn't already taught you your moves yet! If not, I don't mind teaching ya the ropes!" Butters finally answered. He swung his arms behind his back, swaying his entire body as he shyly teetered on his toes and then his heels. "I've never really taught anyone anything before, but I'm willing to try my best!"

"That won't be necessary, Paladin Butters," Cartman's voice cut through. The happy atmosphere that had passed between the too was short lived, as it seemed, as Cartman appeared so suddenly from around the armory's stone walls. His staff was back in his hand, a lavender sphere set on top. The Wizard ran his hand through his beard as he continued to speak. "I have found the necessary teacher to inform all that Thief (Y/N) will need to know. You, however, have a task already set upon you, which I suggest you start now before there is a penalty."

"O-Of course, your Wizardness!" Butters squeaked. He said a quick farewell to (Y/N) before scampering off into the now enlarged kingdom. More people, citizens that the (H/C)-nette hadn't recalled seeing before, were bustling about the place and (Y/N) realized there was more than an Armory and a stable in the Kingdom of Kupa Keep. 

"I apologize for his behavior," the Wizard said. "He can get fairly excitable if the right authority isn't thrusted down upon him." For a split second, (Y/N) swore he almost saw a malicious grin settle onto Cartman's face, but it was gone before (Y/N) could focus on it. "But now is not the time to be disappointed in another's manners. If you follow me, I must lead you to your instructor."

"Sure," (Y/N) nodded. "Lead the way."


	4. *Flips the Finger*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been in the South Park mood lately, been working on this for a few weeks. Took a while because I kept getting distracted by school, tv, sleep, or watching four seasons of South Park so I can finally be up to date with what's going on, so I have to thank the Internet for everything. If I win a grammy, it's going to you, dude!
> 
> By now you should know what belong to whom...
> 
> Also, swearing is obviously in this chapter as well
> 
> :)

 

 

 

 

The training grounds were magnificent. Large trees surrounded the empty grounds, enshrouding the place in shadows as light filtered through the empty spaces that the canopy barely provided. Dummies, broken and recently fixed, littered the grass covered field in random orders, most leaning against a tree that surrounded the border. A large, broken trunk stood on one side, a door cut unevenly in the middle that had stairs leading down into darkness.

"This is our training grounds, Thief (Y/N)," the Grand Wizard said. He leant against his staff, his beard brushing the earth, and gazed with worn eyes at the practice field. "The humans of Zaron, those that are brave enough to battle the Drow Elves, come here to practice their magic, their swords, their...  _thievery_. They come here to get stronger after a harsh defeat, to prove to themselves that they  _can_ win. And this is where you'll go whenever you aren't on a Quest or resting." 

"Cartman, that was a fucking lame speech," a new voice droned in. From the shadows, a tall figure stepped out, melting away from the darkness that surrounded him. The figure wore a brown cloak that draped across his shoulders and wrapped around his neck and lower half of his face; dark strands of hair escaping from under a bright blue and yellow hat. Under his cloak was a beige tunic with a strap slung over one shoulder as pouches filled with heavy objects were in front of him. He had a small sword attached to his hip and maroon gloves. He stood near the center of the training grounds, arms dangling at his sides as he stared at them with bored blue eyes. "We all know you could do better."

Eric bristled besides (Y/N), gritting his teeth as he tried to keep the snide remarks from crawling up his throat. Taking a deep breath, the Grand Wizard calmed down, only slightly, and turned his attention back to the (H/C)-nette besides him. 

"Thief (Y/N), I present to you your new teacher, our resident and level 14 thief, Craig Tucker," he introduced. "Craig, this is our newest recruit (Y/N). He is the one I want you to teach. Once you deem him worthy enough, then we shall send him on solo missions." At that, he left the two alone with the swish of his robes, which billowed out and made him look much larger around the waist then he was. As his back was turned, Craig had moved up next to the newbie thief and gave the Wizard his famous move: The Finger. It was the thing that made him, and his family, known throughout the land and it was even secretly emblazoned on flags and tarps for his family's name.

Once Wizard Fatass had turned around a tree, the thief besides him immediately zeroed his attention onto the (H/C)-nette. Lazy eyes studied the silent male for what seemed to be forever before Craig opened his mouth to speak once more. But not before he greeted the boy with The Finger.

"So you're the New Kid, huh?" Craig droned. He stuffed his hands into his trouser's pockets, looking away and seeming as if he zoned out. "There's been messages flying around Zaron about you. Did you know that this isn't the first time we've had a New Kid before, New Kid?" The thief didn't seem to be too excited. (Y/N) noticed that he hadn't even shown one ounce of positive emotion in the ten minutes they've been in the same proximity of each other.

"I've... had an inkling," (Y/N) muttered, thinking about how odd it was for Cartman to trail off like that. His entire demeanor since he's arrived has almost been entirely confident of his actions, accept for when he mysteriously trailed off before he got his weapon. It was strange, something he shouldn't have been too surprised about, but (Y/N) had already seen Cartman's character in the short amount of time that he's been in the small town.

"Yeah, kid was weird. Fucking kicked my ass though," the thief next to him sighed. "If I had known about that kid's power, I would have just stuck with Cartman when the whole ordeal happened all those years ago... Fuck, I probably should have known about it when he saved my ass in the first place."

(Y/N) was silent. Craig's monologue didn't exactly seem to pertain to him in the slightest, but he stored away that tidbit of information for later. Whoever this other New Kid was, he was certainly someone he might need to speak to when things get too serious for him and he wants a way out. If this kid could do it and leave this much of an impression, well, they're certainly something.

"Let's get some shit done, though," Craig spoke up again. "And maybe you can meet some of the guys too while we're at it. Tweek and I were planning on doing a mission on destroying one of the Elf's bases that are getting too close to our border."

"Sure, I guess," the (H/C)-nette shrugged. "That sounds good. 'M'sure that the Grand Wizard would appreciate that you'll teach me something..." 

"Anything I teach you is fucking easy that a sloth could be able to do it," Craig said, rolling his eyes. He began to head towards the entrance of the field, (Y/N) trailing behind him, their cloaks billowing behind them. "In fact, if we get any action, I'll teach you how to Backstab. That's something pretty effective and I enjoy doing it."

They passed Clyde, who smiled and waved at them by, and the kid taking care of the Cat-Horse in the stable. Princess Kenny was seen leaning against a stone pillar, twirling her long blonde hair around a elegantly clad finger. Sapphire eyes locked with (E/C) gems, and Princess Kenny giggled, waved, and fluttered her long beautiful eyelashes his way. A blush rose on his face, something he had little experience dealing with, and scurried off after the brown cloaked thief.

 

****

 

Craig led him to a pub, where creatures from all around the land gathered in gaggles and hung around in the dark. A few glared at them, most those with graceful ears that peaked out from behind their hair, and others glanced over and then looked away and went back to their own business. Along the bar a few humans raised their glasses towards them, the liquid in their drinks illuminating their faces that were stern and filled with respect. (Y/N) felt very awkward in their line of sight, and quickly tried to hide himself by walking in stride with his Master Thief.

They soon stopped in front of a table hidden in the darkest corner of the tavern.Two warriors sat across from each other, a mug of the glowing ale in front of them. One was a barbarian, dressed in only a pair of army green trousers, thick boots, and tattoos across his arms, chest and face. His leather holster, which was strapped across his bare chest, held a rather sharp knife that was in easy grabbing distance in case of a quick, surprise attack. He was shaking and running his slender hands through sunflower coloured hair, hazel eyes looking about as if there was danger in every corner.

The boy next to him looked to be much calmer. He gripped his mug with gloved covered hands and took a sip, the light of the drink glinting in his chocolate colored eyes. A crimson headband wrapped around his dark forehead and made his hair seem even darker than it was. He had on a matching red cloak that wrapped around his shoulders snuggly and a lavender tinted breastplate clung to his upper body. Everything else was black, save for the silver knives strapped along his belt alongside his orange belt buckle.

"Where's Clyde?!" The barbarian asked, nearly knocking over his ale. "H-He said he was going to be here!"

"And who's your friend?" the other asked. 

"This is the New Kid, (Y/N)," Craig answered. "He's sorta my underling now, thanks to the Grand Wizard." Then he turned to the shaking blonde. "And Clyde was stuck at the stand again. Don't know when Cartman will let him join us."

"Fuck!" the blonde shrieked. (Y/N) resisted from cringing and holding his hands to his ears and nurse it from the sudden pain he had received. "I don't know if I can handle not having all four of us being together again! This isn't normal! I need normality, goddammit!"

"Calm down, Tweek," the blacksmith said. "You really should lay off the coffee or else you'll spasm and explode."

"Gah!"

Craig didn't seem to be too surprised at his friend's outburst. "(Y/N), this is Tweek, our barbarian on the human side. The other is our blacksmith and fellow warrior, Token. Both of them our humans and are going to help us with the mission."

"Nice to meet you," (Y/N) said meekly. He tried his best to be laid back and look cool, but the eyes he could feel boring into his back was setting his cool-o-meter off. "Guess we'll be on the same side."

"For now!" Tweek exclaimed. "The last time we got a New Kid, he totally betrayed all of us for those stupid Elves!" This time, Tweek actually knocked over his ale, but no one paid any mind. "And we totally got our asses handed to us! I can't handle that again!"

"Don't think like that, Tweek," Craig said. He slumped into a seat and took Token's ale and gulped some down before slamming it onto the table and wiped his mouth. (Y/N) watched and sat across from him, quietly watching the show before him. "Besides, it's not like the kid knows much about the Elves anyways. For all we know, this kid could actually choose us this time."

"This time?" Token asked. "What do you mean this time?"

"Haven't you noticed? This is almost exactly what happened when that other New Kid came. Moved in, saw Butters, got onto Cartman's good side... Soon he'll be called to meet with the Elves, get the Goths, and then choose a side once more."

"Almost, Craig," a new voice said. "But not entirely Elves."

Something bashed against (Y/N)'s head, smashing his face into the table and he could feel blood dripping from his lower lip. He lifted up his head, feeling the cut on his lip and hazily looked around. Craig and Token were being pushed up against a wall by a group of cloaked figures while Tweek was on the floor, groaning in pain and clutching his stomach. He wondered, for a split second, what was going on before his head was hit once more and darkness fell upon his vision.

 


	5. Luminary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most characters featured in this chapter belong to me, RobespierreforFrance. Please do not steal or say that they belong to you. Because these characters are based on my friends and myself and you're basically stealing someone's identity and you won't have a good time.
> 
> South Park belongs to Matt Stone and Trey Parker
> 
> :)

 

 

 

(Y/N) woke up feeling as if he was hit in the head with a baseball bat. Which was sort of the truth, considering he was hit in the back of the head with a rather blunt object, but a bat wasn't the weapon. In all actuality, it was a shovel, but in all honesty, who can tell the difference when it's making contact with your head?

The first thing the (H/C)-nette did once he gathered his bearings was look around. The room he was in was rather grand for a kidnapping. He had been laid upon a four poster bed with lavender silk sheets and enough pillows to give to the homeless peasants outside. The floor was made of creme marble and every candelabra was lit, despite the fact that by opening the velvet curtains would give more light to the room. (Y/N) had gotten up to do just that, but the intensity of the light that seeped through hurt his eyes too much to bear, so he shut them again and sat down on the bed to try and calm down his pulsing head.

Once most of the pain had subsided back to a dull ache, he gathered his thoughts. He wondered where he was, what time it was, and if he was anywhere near Kupa Keep. Obviously whoever took him wasn't too much into killing him, considering how nice of a chamber he was put in. He wasn't tied down either, which showed how much they trusted him into not escaping, though when (Y/N) checked for his knife he was met with an empty scabbard. He was entirely curious by now, and wondered why exactly he was taken.

It seemed as if he didn't have to wait too long for his answers. A few minutes after waking, his chamber doors opened and a figure walked in. They were much taller than him, exceptionally burly as well, and they gestured for him to follow. (Y/N) hesitated, for a second, before he got up and sauntered over. He was handed a goblet filled with a bubbling liquid and he wrinkled his nose at the odor.

"Drink it," a familiar voice said. "It's a pain reducing potion, will get rid of the pain in your head."

(Y/N) didn't hesitate this time and downed the drink, relishing in the pain free feeling that immediately accompanied the fowl smelling liquid flowing down his parched throat. He wasn't entirely fond of the after taste, but being able to think and comfortably move his eyes was something he surely enjoyed. The figure then pulled him out of the chambers and down a hall to another, where much more light filtered through. It was then that (Y/N) got a good look at his companion.

He looked like the seamstress from Kupa Keep, the one that had handed him his clothing just before he was transported into the fantasy world. The boy stood taller, had his shoulders back and he held a sense of power that he didn't when he was bowing towards the Grand Wizard. He wore a Peter Pan styled hat upon his sandy curls, a rather long and purple feather sticking out on the left side that dipped and bounced with each step. A lute was strapped across his back, which explained the burliness of his figure in the shadows, and he wore a simple red tunic and dark brown trousers with leather riding boots. Upon his lute, a familiar engraving of a large circle surrounding a smaller dot in the exact center. Unconsciously, (Y/N) looked down to the clasp of his cloak to find an exact replica.

"I bet you're wondering what's exactly going on, huh?" the "Seamstress" said, looking at the (E/C) eyed boy besides him. (Y/N) nodded, the muscles at the corner of his lips tensing as he frowned slightly, feeling rather suspicious now that he recognized the Bard next to him. "Well, there's good reason. At least, that's what the Luminary told us. She wanted to speak with you as soon as possible, to try and get you to have a full decision rather than be forced to choose between only two sides. Or at least, that's what she says. She's a bit weird in the head, but a good person. Will send you random messages at the most random of hours, but good at heart."

"Who is this Luminary? Where am I?"

"She's this land's leader. The Luminary of Mersar, where creatures from all over the land can come together on only the prospect of peace and working together. The Luminary, she'll explain more once you see her," was all the Bard said before they turned the corner and came upon a set of grand oak doors. Two guards dressed in blues and reds stood on either side, a lance in their hand as a sword lay at the ready on their hips. They nodded towards the Bard and stepped aside to open the doors to the room.

On the other side was a large hall with an equally large chandelier hanging in the dead center. It sparkled as the sun filtered through and hit the crystals, sending rainbow images dancing along the stone walls. A red carpet led to the throne, much smaller then the Grand Wizard's in Kupa Keep, where a redheaded woman sat, staring off into space.

(Y/N) could admit that the woman was indeed magnificent to look upon. Her red hair was short and straight and framed her pale face. A circlet rested upon her ruby strands, a peridot jewel resting in the center of the silver band. She was dressed in a floor length, sapphire gown, a black cloak around her shoulders with the same symbol he's seen around the place on a brass clip keeping the cloak together. While she wasn't looking at a particular person, she was sitting straight, her shoulders pushed back, as her face seem to be stiff and stern.

The Bard coughed into his hand, alerting the woman of their presence. Her dark brown eyes snapped to attention, focusing in on them. Once she recognized who they were, her stiff features melted to something softer, making her look less pissed off then she probably was. She gave a large smile in their direction, getting up from her throne and stepped down the dias steps, her skirts flowing behind her. 

"Trenton~!" she singed. "You did your job well. You can return to your chambers. Tell Alex I said 'Hi' and let Mei'lani know that we're still watching the jester perform one of his tricks later tonight."

The Bard, Trenton, smiled back and bowed, crossing his left foot behind his right, set his right hand on the left side of his collarbone, his upper body bending only halfway before he left through the oak doors behind them. Once they were shut, the woman set her eyes upon (Y/N), her smiling not leaving her face.

"Welcome, Thief (Y/N)," the woman greeted, reaching out her hands to grasp onto his. "I welcome you to Mersar. I am called the Luminary, though you may call me Cindy. I bet you're very curious as to why I brought you here."

"Very much so," (Y/N) responded. For some reason, he had been relaxing as the minutes passed, no longer feeling tense and ready to bolt as he had when he woke up only a few minutes before. The worried thoughts of his new acquaintances, which hadn't been much, had vanished entirely, and he was completely set onto what was currently happening. "Why am I here?"

"To answer that, you'll need to know much more before I can give you a solid reply," Cindy sighed, letting go of his much larger hands. She crossed them behind her back, her face turning serious. "Let's start with some history, shall we?"

"This may come as a shock, but the Grand Wizard isn't as old as he appears to be. In actuality, he's only a few decades older than I, both of us being centuries old," The Luminary began. She had been moving towards the opened window, staring at the land beyond her perch in her castle, looking at her Kingdom. "Cartman and I, well, are actually very close cousins. His mother and my mother are sisters. When he gained control of Kupa Keep, I broke away from his kingdom to form my own; Mersar. 

"Both kingdoms are formed on the same bases, though have very different ideals. The same goes with the land of Larnia, where the Drow Elves dwell. We all wanted to live in peace, where men, women, and children could thrive and be happy. But it was only recently, when the humans discovered the Stick of Truth, that the darkness fell upon both kingdoms. As the Elves and Humans battled, they called upon my people, who gladly took up arms for the right price." The Luminary looked behind her at the (H/C)-nette, who had been calmly listening, and turned away from the window.

"My land is full of mercenaries that have no chosen side, that choose to be only on the said of the Mersar kingdom, but will willingly fight for whoever they believe is right. Larnia and Kupa Keep call upon my people and they take up jobs, though it seems that lately that the humans are still sticking to adding men to their army rather than all genders and non-genders.

"But a war is coming upon Zaron once more. We've had two large battles, split too much blood among our people on the land, and now a third one is coming. I can sense it among the trees, the earth, the air. I felt this kind of evil once, long ago before the Stick resurfaced, but this is a much darker force than I could ever imagine coming to our lands..."

"What does this have to do with me?" (Y/N) asked. 

"The Elves of Larnia will be coming to you to ask for your aid in gathering more people for their army and to betray my cousin. It would have been your decision to side with the Grand Wizard or the Elf King, but I'm giving you another choice: side with Mersar. You won't be betraying anyone. You'll become a mercenary, picking up any quest that's needed of either side. You don't even have to pledge allegiance to our kingdom. Your word will be enough," Cindy explained.

"That's a lot of trust you're putting on me," (Y/N) grunted, crossing his arms. "I'm a thief, I could betray you, bring both kingdoms to see your downfall and no longer will Mersar be a peaceful kingdom."

"I have complete faith in you keeping your word," Cindy smirked. "I have connections with many that will defend a peaceful kingdom such as my own. And Cartman wouldn't dare to hurt his little cousin, for he knows not to test my wrath so casually. I'll let you think upon your decision for a few days. The Wizard knows that you are in my domain and will not be sending any reinforcements to take you back to the Humans until the next few days are up. You are free to roam about the castle and visit the villages in my kingdom until then. Trenton or Christophe will accompany you in case you wish to see more of the kingdom outside of these walls."

"Christophe?"

"Oh, yeah, he's the guy that hit you too hard in the head with a shovel... Sorry about that..." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, please don't steal my "OC"'s (even though their technically real people). 
> 
> And yes, I did mean Christophe "The Mole" in the last few paragraphs. I might make him and Gregory a love interest for you or just have Gregory and Christophe be lovers themselves. I'm not entirely sure....
> 
> Trenton, Cindy/Luminary, Mei'lani, and Alex are my own "creations"...


	6. Mersar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated this over a month ago.... Huh....
> 
> :)

 

 

 

(Y/N) walked out of the throne room with a little more information stored inside his memory banks than when he first walked in. The Luminary was a strange woman, who clearly thought that she had everything under control. From what little he saw of how she ruled, that could be true. But she could have just sent a carrier raven to request a formal meeting with him.

"Zo you've finally awakened?" a voice questioned. (Y/N) scanned the large hallway, looking for the source of the voice, eyes zeroing in on the small light suddenly appearing in one of the shadows. It faded to a dull light, seeming to stay floating in the darkness until the owner moved forwards, reveling themselves.

A man with scraggly brown locks and a haunted look in his eyes were what greeted the (H/C) haired thief. Dark circles were under his eyes, making his skin even paler than it already was. The smudges of dirt (or what (Y/N) hoped was dirt) didn't help with the fact that the guy looked like death resurrected. Glancing over his dark green tunic, brown trousers and thick skinned boots, (Y/N)'s eyes noticed the rather large shovel that was strapped to his back. He winced as a ghost of pain rushed against the back of his head and he casually tried to soothe the tingling.

"You're the guy that hit me in the back of the head," (Y/N) stated. The man grunted in affirmation and took another drag of his cigarette. "You could have tried to talk to me in coming here. Did you know that it hurt?"

"Communicating with the 'oomens on Lord Fatazz' zide iz never eazy, qui?" the man said in return. "If I merely azked for you to come, eet would probably never 'appen. Zo I had to take draztic meazurez."

"Still..."

"I did my job. And I 'ave to do eet again, zeeing as Queen Bee wantz to give you a tour of zhe place," the man said again. (Y/N) quirked a brow as he tried to remember the names of the people the Luminary had wanted to show him around. There was Trenton, the former tailor and spy of Kupa Keep, but he obviously wasn't the guy in front of him. So it had to be the other guy.

"So you're Christophe?" he asked.

"You will call me Zhe Mole. Nozhing elze," Christophe, or The Mole as he preferred, grumbled. He took one last drag of his cigarette before tossing it out of one of the very large windows. The Mole turned and began to walk away. "Let'z get zhis fucking tour started." (Y/N) followed him as quickly as he could, matching with Christphe's longer strides.

 

*****

 

 

Mersar was a grand place. The castle was near the middle of the kingdom, with large pillars that had multiple sentries on top to watch for any intruders or mischievous behavior in all directions. The people that milled about the large merc kingdom were friendly and of completely different races all together. The two had passed by elves and humans alike, but also those with animal ears and tails attached, those that looked like elves but definitely did not speak like them, and many more. Some possessed strange magic that could control the mind of whoever they chose, but only for simple matters such as getting them another drink of Fairy Ale or closing a door. The Mole paid no mind to these simple details that the new warrior had noticed, instead focusing on trying to point out the different locations here and there while also avoiding some of the more troubled areas in the kingdom.

(Y/N) was truly awed at the training field. Unlike Kupa Keeps, there was a contrast to how much darkness and foliage that littered about the place. More sun filtered through the tall trees and a small pond with an intricate stone bench lay off to the side. A waterfall delved into the pond, coming from the cliffs that surrounding one side of the training fields like an earth wall. He swore he caught bushes and branches moving, a tail of a wild beast being the only source of the cause, and he wondered how the people could feel at ease to train in a terrain such as that. He questioned Christophe about it immediately.

"Zhe wolves and wild chats* cause no 'arm to zhose zhat are training, az long az no one attacks zhem while zhey roam about the forests," he answered. He had stuffed another cigarette between his lips and puffed out a smoke ring. 

"That's... strange."

"Zhe entire kingdom is strange," The Mole retaliated. "Especially zince zhe Luminary welcomed zhe last New Kid in our ranks. Zhey zeem to be doing better 'ere zhan when zhey were with the Wizard of Fucking Doom." Another drag. "Not zhat anyone likes to admit, zhough."

"I heard a little bit about that New Kid," (Y/N) admits. "Not much other than they betrayed people a few times."

"Zhey chose zhier route. Zhey chose zhe better one, zhis time around. Not much to complain about when you nearly 'ave free reign over what you can or cannot do. Eets a simple life full of chaos here, but we all enjoy it. Especially zhat one."

"The other New Kid?"

"Qui... Zhough, I guess he likes being called a name now...." Out came a puff, looking almost like an onion ring, but overly lopsided.

"What is it?"

"Hmm?" The Mole's dark eyes slid over in disinterest, taking another drag and puff before he answered. "Zhey like to be called 'Dovakhiin'."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Chats = cat in French. I figured, on occasion for simple words, The Mole would slip into his mother tongue when he felt that he was speaking English a little bit too much.
> 
> Chapter's a little short, but I hope you liked it. Just a little filler. I'll try to update with more plot as soon as I can.


	7. School Pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit laid back from the fantasy games, (Y/N) sees South Park in reality, not fantasy. How boring...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should really be doing homework right now, considering I had an entire day to catch up because of snow. But what do I do? Nothing.
> 
> Oh well, I'm gonna update since I made ya'll wait a year (LOL)
> 
> :)

 

 

As the sun began to set over Mersar and the rest of the fantastical land that held so many unique species and creatures, (Y/N) was allowed to head home for the night (considering the fact that while he was in a fantasy world with many others, no one wanted to suffer under being grounded for missing curfew). The Luminary wished him a safe journey home and had Christophe and Trenton escort the (Y/N)-net home. They had made simple chit-chat, nothing really to revealing other than the thief learning more about how his day tomorrow would turn out to be. When they arrived in front of the brick house, Trenton stayed behind as Christophe absconded as fast as he could.

"Hey," he said, fiddling with the ends of his bard tunic. "I just wanted to say that, while we will  _technically_ be out of character tomorrow, I suggest you bring your clothes and keep it in your locker, in case of emergency." (Y/N) rose a brow. "I mean, it's just in case Lady Cindy needs you or there's a sudden attack from orcs or an outside source. It wouldn't do you any good if you can't be ready for battle in your civilian clothes, would it?"

"I guess so..." the thief trailed off. He gave a small wave towards Trenton's retreating back after he trudged down the snow covered steps and sighed. He wasn't really looking forward to leaving this magnificent world and into the horrors of real life. How troublesome.

Reluctantly, (Y/N) took off his hood and gloves and watched the fairy tale world melt and dissolve into the poor mountain town that he still had little interest in at all. The sounds of nature that had originally been echoing around the tall trees of Zaron was replaced with the shuffling of his dad and the cars of the town nearby. The smells of the land returned to nothing but snow, which really didn't smell like much. All in all, things were boring again.

"I'm home," he called out meekly, not really wanting alert his father that he was anywhere near him. He was still a bit angry about the move, even if he now had a pass time of roleplaying if he played his cards right, and (Y/N) trudged upstairs to his room, where boxes still laid unpacked and his bed was somewhat made. The walls were still white, but he was sure that while he was out and at school tomorrow, he would be returning home to see them a soft shade of (F/C).

Suddenly feeling exhausted despite his grumbling stomach, (Y/N) set his cloak and gloves down on his desk, slipped off his shoes, and collapsed on his bed, rolling over his covers until he was wrapped like a nice burrito, falling asleep in a matter of seconds.

 

***

 

His father had woken him up an hour before six, for which he was supposed to get dressed, eat, and head out in a matter of half an hour before the bus arrived to pick him up to head to his new school. Mr. (L/N), being the busy businessman of his own dreams, quickly left ten or so minutes after (Y/N) trudged downstairs, reminding his son to eat and head out before the bus arrived and to have a good day at school. He gave his son some cash for lunch before grabbing his briefcase and rushing out towards his car in a matter of seconds. 

(Y/N) took all this in stride, as this was a normal routine that he's had since he was seven, which was when his father started his current job in the first place and he was left with his mother to take care of him for only a few extra minutes before she dropped him off at the bus stop or school (really depending on how much time she allowed herself to not be late for work herself). 

As soon as he had his backpack almost overflowing with supplies, his phone in his pockets, and his earbuds safely tucked inside his ears blasting away his favourite genres, he was out the door himself, locking it with the spare key his CEO father was given for the "woman in his life". (Y/N) would have laughed out loud if it wasn't for the look his father had given him as soon as the landlord said it, but he still cackled about it to this day. 

It was freezing at 5:30 in the morning in South Park and it took twenty minutes of walking to warm up most of his body before he stopped and stood in front of the school bus stop that would take him to South Park High, home of the cows. Which didn't really make sense because apparently South Park Middle school and South Park Elementary were also home to the cows, so really, they needed more mascots. Maybe a Giant Douche or a Turd Sandwich. Either would be fine.

(Y/N) shivered slightly as he rocked on the heels of his feet, stuffing his hands in his jean pockets as he tried his best to keep warm. (E/C) eyes scanned over the area, taking note that he wasn't the only person waiting for the school bus, but he was the idiot who came out wearing a spring jacket and a pair of converse high tops. Lovely.

There were three other students waiting at his stop. A girl with long raven hair that dressed in bright pinks and purples with a rather dashing beret over her sleek locks was the closest and she continued to occasionally glance over with wide, curious brown eyes at him as he shivered to death. Besides her, holding her hand, was a curly blonde with a rather noticeable bust that her crimson jacket did not even try to hide who continued to talk the morning away whether or not her friend (or more than friend? He couldn't tell nor would he assume) was listening in the first place. The last was a chipper blonde boy who wore an old newspaper boy hat and a bowtie, which didn't really suit the setting of the rather country feeling town of South Park. He wasn't really doing much other than smiling and sorta looked like he was humming, but (Y/N) couldn't tell over the beats of his own music playing in his ears.

Turning back to face forwards, (Y/N) took out his (phone/ipod) and looked through his playlist, feeling rather bored with the song that was currently playing for the past few minutes. As he was looking, the bus managed to appear over a bend of snow and stopped in front of the sign, allowing the three other students and himself to get aboard without any other problems.

Here, (Y/N) recognized a few familiar faces among the dozens or so kids looking too tired to function that were sitting around on the yellow death machine. Near the front was Clyde, or who he thought was named Clyde if he remembered correctly from the armory of yesterday, who was mumbling something incoherent as he smushed his face against the cold glass, snoring away. Craig, the higher class thief and his tutor, was besides him, almost glaring at anybody who looked his way. (E/C) hues and cerulean orbs connected and a flicker of recognition passed between them both before (Y/N) continued to scurry to find an empty seat. 

Finding one near the back, (Y/N) looked out the window, trying to ignore the stares that were coming from across the aisle that belonged to Eric Cartman himself. The chubby boy looked ready to burst but, seeing as (Y/N) was using music as a means to ignore everything but himself, couldn't exactly gain the attention of the (H/C) haired boy without alerting the rather annoying bus driver to call out his shit and make him sit behind him for the second week in a row.

Of course, (Y/N) couldn't ignore him for the entire bus ride. As soon as they pulled into the parking lot, he was sure Cartman would corner him to try and get whatever answers he was supposedly looking for. If it was anything about Mersar and if he was going to join their ranks, he probably wasn't going to like whatever answer (Y/N) was going to blurt out. Until then, the (H/C)-net is going to try his best and have a somewhat mediocre first day at SP High and see how long it would take the Wizard King to combust.


	8. School Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of the first day of school.... Lovely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry for not really updating recently. I haven't had the time nor the motivation to do ANY writing anyways so barely anything got done. I'm trying tho, so if this seems a bit rocky it's because of the lack of writing done in the first place. So please bear with me and any mistakes or anything else. 
> 
> Also, there is obvious Cartman language in this chapter and the author does not hold the same prejudices and threats as the character.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> :)

 

 

As the bus slowed down to a stop and the driver opened the doors, the flock of high schoolers on the bus poured out as fast as they could. (Y/N) was smushed between a random girl and who he assumed was the boy from the bus stop, but he paid no mind as he rushed himself to the front doors of South Park High School, home of the South Park Cows who really should have a different mascot. Faintly he could hear Cartman, AKA King Fatass, yelling something, but whether it was for him or not he didn't care. He just wanted to escape whatever lecture he was sure he was going to get if he ever gets close to him again. The (H/C) haired boy only knew the kid for a day and already he talks way too much to be normal. 

It didn't take long for him to find the Main Office, where he met the principle and was given his schedule. PC Principle, who was rather... um... interesting, welcomed him and gave him the break down of the rules for his school. No bullying, not being phobic to anyone of different races, sexualities, etc. etc. (Y/N) merely rolled his eyes and thanked the guy before absconding the hell out of there. He was in no mood to be tumblr'ed.

As the office door closed, (Y/N) sighed and glanced down at the sheet of paper in his hands. He was  _sure_ glad he got this ten minutes before the bell rang. The first thing he had was Trig, then Japanese, English, Biology, lunch, Art, and then History was last. It looked like his last couple classes were near each other so he was sure he'd have enough time after lunch to go looking for them. Considering he's the new kid, he highly doubts that he'd make any friends. While he knew that many people he met here were apart of the game, he wasn't particularly  _close_ with any of them to gain actual friendship...

"Hey, are you (Y/N)?" 

A boy in a bright orange winter jacket and a green ushanka suddenly appeared next to him. (Y/N) jumped, nearly ripping apart his schedule in surprise, and hastily answered a small 'yes' before giving the boy a Chandler Bing worthy smile. 

"Oh good, I hoped so. I'm Kyle Broflofski. PC Principle asked me if I could show you around and help you get to your classes in case you didn't know already," the boy, Kyle, smiled and held out a hand to shake. Politely, the (H/C)-net shook hands with the boy, taking note of the bright red strands of curly hair peeking out from under his large hat.

"Nice to meet you."

Kyle still smiled.

"I have a copy of your schedule, so you don't have to worry about me constantly taking yours."

"Thanks, I guess."

Kyle motioned for (Y/N) to follow him and the two walked down the crowded hallway, the (H/C)-net slightly behind the redhead (or he assumed to be redhead. For all he knew he could have died the tips of his hair red. Who knows?) as Kyle began to talk about his schedule. (Y/N) paid attention only slightly as he didn't really care too much about how strict a teacher was. He nodded at what he felt was the appropriate times, letting his guide know he was listening (somewhat) and they stopped outside of a classroom.

"We have about six minutes until the first bell rings but I'll meet you out here after class ends to take you to your next class, okay?" Kyle said, offering another one of his smiles (which were now seeming to be too bright for such a gloomy feeling place like school). (Y/N) was going to respond but was interrupted by a very familiar 'oy!' and than a rather round face was shoved in front of him.

"A-ha! I've been looking everywhere for you this entire morning! Do you kno--"

"Fuck off, fatass!" Kyle yelled, his nice boy attitude shattered into something more like a growling wild cat as he glowered at Cartman. "Don't be such a spoiled brat and try and be the center of attention and convert the new kid--"

"Oy _you_ fuck of you fucking Jew!" Cartman growled back. "This has nothing to do with you. This is between me and this little traitorous fucker right here. He was with the humans of Kupa Keep and then he fucking traded sides like a motherfucking pussy!"

"Wait, you're in the game too?" Kyle turned his attention back to (Y/N), who looked ready to die and have the Underworld accept him a few decades early, just so he could avoid any more social interaction this early on a school day. He still looked angry but it didn't feel as if it was directed at him at all. "And you were with King Fatass here? What poor sap brought you there?"

"A kid named Butters," (Y/N) muttered, glancing at the ground as he crossed his arms across his chest. "And I'm technically still apart of the humans or whatever, but this Luminary or whatever is having me stay in her kingdom for a few days before I completely ally myself with anyone. I think..."

"Oh, you mean Cindy, right? Yeah, she seems to do that with any newcomer. Usually she gets to them first since the last time someone started off with Cartman we had a whole dilemma to deal with that nearly caused the end of the world." Kyle shifted his weight onto one leg, his temper calming down. " _We_ ," he glanced at Cartman," usually allow her to get to them first but it's been a while since that's happened and I guess Butters forgot to leave you alone till one of her people come to collect them."

This peaked (Y/N)'s interest at the emphasized word in his entire speech. "We?"

"Kahle's the fucking king of the stupid drow elves, not like that's entirely important," Cartman jumped in. 

"And we're allied with the mercenary kingdom. If she wasn't your cousin I'm sure you would have had an entire army knocking at your door ready to give your ass a pounding. Her temper isn't something to be played with and you should know that. She can be worse than you at times," Kyle said, his temper flaring back up.

For a split second (Y/N) saw an image flicker before him. A handsome king, dressed in maroon robes lined with gold stood before him, a crown of oak arching around curls of ruby as green eyes flashed with knowledge only one of power and age could hold. Across from him was the same King of Lard he saw the afternoon before. It disappeared as quick as it came and (Y/N) had to blink to catch his bearings. Whatever power these people held with this roleplaying game, it was starting affect him even out of costume. How intriguing.

The bell rang and cutting off the argument being held between Kyle and Eric, the latter quickly scurrying away to head to his first lesson and leaving the two alone. "Sorry about that, dude," Kyle apologized.

"S'fine."

"I guess I'll see you later then."

"Yeah, later."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been thinking about starting another SP fanfic but I have no plot...


	9. Arrogant Assholes Come to Mersar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, guys, guys.....
> 
> The new South Park game is fucking awesome...
> 
> Also, sorry for not doing much with this in a while, I didn't really have much inspiration, but now I'm tempted to bring the new RPG game into this but since I already planned it around the stick, maybe I'll make a sequel about the sequel.
> 
> I'll try to continue this as much as possible but my writing really depends on my moods. Since I turned 18 I haven't really been all that happy to write and when I do have the urge to glide my fingers across my keyboard and hear the music it makes with clicks and clacks, it's usually on something else that I have no desire to really publish or it's really short...
> 
> I added notes about Mersar at the end so if you're interested, don't skip!!! :D
> 
> Anyways...
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> :)

 

As soon as the bell rang for the last class of the day, (Y/N) was booking it out of there. It was super weird to have all the kids from the Kingdom of Kupa Keep become so buddy-buddy with him despite the "kidnapping" that happened in their LARPing game and even met some of the other team. They were... well, nice isn't really the word that could describe them to be completely honest. It was almost like they tolerated him enough that they didn't mind him being near but didn't really want to be getting too close. Christophe's words from the day before rung though his head, the tales of the last New Kid that had trolled his way through the town, switching sides as easily as breathing air. Which, might be difficult for some but obviously wasn't for this Dovakhiin kid. 

He had his costume in his bag, taking up the space for the books that he had stuffed carelessly in his locker and didn't bother bringing home. He had already finished what homework he was given during classes and lunch so he was basically free for the rest of the afternoon. Whatever adventures he could experience he would take on as fast as possible, even if it was a boring "chase the cat until you catch it" mini game. A mission was a mission no matter how stupid. 

(Y/N)'s father wasn't home when he stormed back in but the (H/C) haired teen didn't really care at the point. He had charged up to his room, noting that his walls were indeed painted while he was out, dropped his bag on his bed and he began to change into his LARP clothes. As soon as he set the hood upon his head, the magical world he had been introduced to the day before was once again in his sights and he nearly sighed in relief. 

His room was now transformed from the slightly barren (F/C) room that he didn't really want to a room that was only slightly better. From all the games he's ever seen of RPG games, his room was all wood and had candles flickering in the darker parts of the room. While it was still bright out, there was only one small window in his small wooden room with a hard looking bed so barely any light really streamed through it at this hour. (Y/N) didn't mind; it wasn't like he was planning to spend the rest of his evening here anyways...

Quickly, (Y/N) left the house behind him, running towards what he could remember was Mersar. He knew he could have easily just wandered wherever but he needed to do something. He was also sure that if he just lazed about in this world, King Fatass would somehow track him down and drag him back to Kupa Keep and demand that he pledge loyalty only to him. While it's probably best to stay allied with one kingdom, (Y/N) was brand-ass-new to this whole fucking mountain town so it was only right to allow the poor kid some time to decide his allegiance.

With his knew increased speed at being a thief, (Y/N) wasted no time in arriving in Mersar. It was much brighter when he arrived then when he left the day before so the (H/C)-net took his time walking through the peaceful kingdom.

Mersar was indeed beautiful, he had to admit. The trees hugged each other through the curls and loops of nimble branches as species glided or pranced down the staircases that wrapped around the trunks. Despite the brightness of the sun, it had dimmed only slightly and allowed small lights to dance in the partial darkness. Merchants yelled their prices across from each other and into the ears of those who listened in the large plaza that was near the center of the entire kingdom. They all ranged from clothes to groceries to apothecary items for potions that could help warriors in battle. The castle that (Y/N) had walked out of with The Mole the night before was nearby, guarded heavily by guards who held unique features from feline, canine and mortal creatures alike. What caught the (H/C) haired boy's interest was the large message board that held parchments all over. 

Walking closer, the thief observed as a group of people walked up and claimed a parchment, heading off to the location that was written boldly for anyone to see. He realized that it was a mission board; the higher the parchment the higher the reward. Those that came were usually in groups of two or more but he did see one or two come solo and grab some of the lower missions that had less money but was definitely easier. (Y/N) stepped closer to examine one that was near his head.

It was a simple mission that required up to three people in the drow elf kingdom of Larnia - something about rabid rats and mice showing up from the ground and trashing the place and wounding the innocent that the elves couldn't control themselves. They made small notes that a feline was preferred but any who were strong enough would do. 

"It would seem the mission board caught your interest, young warrior," a voice said behind him. (Y/N) glanced behind him to see a pompous blonde standing behind him, dressed in golden armor. A majestic sword was strapped to his side as a purple cape was draped across his shoulders. "Is there something that catches your eyes that you would like to go on?"

"Excuse me?"

The blonde gave a cheery good laugh, almost sounding fake, before answering. "Oh, dear me, it seems I must have forgotten my manners. My name is Gregory, I hale from Yardale. I'm their strongest warrior and have come for aid from the kind Luminary herself. But I got distracted by a figure like yourself standing at the famed Mersar Mission Board. May I acquire the name of the warrior before me?"

 _Okay, this guy is sorta getting on my nerves...._ (Y/N) thought. Normally he'd be a little head-over-heels from the English accent itself, but the attitude this guy was giving off was sorta... off. It seemed staged, sort of, in a way. The (E/C) eyed thief just couldn't put his finger on it....

"(Y/N)..."

"Such a glorio--"

"If eet izn't zhe glorious baztard of Britain," a voice joined in. (Y/N) nearly cried with relief with The Mole, Christophe, came strolling by. He threw the guy a grateful look was but was ignored as the brunet discarded his cigarette. "I didn't know when you'd come. Zhe Luminary got your message, zhough zhe 'asn't done anyzhing with eet yet." Christophe lit another cigarette once he was done speaking, taking a long drag and blowing it out, leaving the death stick resting between his lax fingers.

"I didn't know that my good friend would greet me so. Usuaully her bard or her theif would--"

"Yeah, normally," The Mole interrupted, dragging out his words. "But 'er zhief 'as been banished for treazon and 'asn't been welcomed anywhere elze and 'er bard 'as yet to return from 'is own mission. Zo zhe sent me to retrieve your sorry ass."

"Eloquent as always, my good friend."

"Always an ass'ole, Gregory."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized while I was rereading the last couple of chapters of this fic that Mersar reminds me a lot of Lothlorien from the LOTR series. Like, if you're having a hard time figuring out how that kingdom looks and you've seen everything about LOTR, then imagine Lothlorien, just bigger and with more than just Elves...


	10. Finally! A Fucking Mission!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're on chapter 10, holy shit! I didn't think I'd make it this far, tbh. Not with this story, at least. I have so many other stories where I start and then I don't finish for years or at all.
> 
> I've said this on some of my other stories on here but I'm trying to update at least once a week. The same goes for this one. If I don't get to it I either forgot, am busy, or any other implications.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy what I produced from my head. And thank you for those that have commented! I know I respond to some and not to others but I just want to let each and every one of you know that you're comments make me all warm and fuzzy on the inside and I blush like a stereotypical school girl when it's something nice!
> 
> :)

 

 

Even though he wasn't invited along, (Y/N) followed Christophe and Gregory anyways. There was a part of him that called him out on it but for the most part, he was curious. Not why he was here, that was clear for Gregory of Yardale had already said his reasoning to why he was here. But the reason that Yardale even needed Mersar's help. Now that was curious.

It didn't seem that The Mole minded that (Y/N) was following them; in fact, it rather seemed like he was encouraging him as the dark-haired boy glanced back and made direct eye contact with the (H/C)-net multiple times. Gregory of Yardale obviously didn't mind as he quickly began to weave a tale about his homeland. The blonde knight used many an elegant word as they walked, waving his arms about while also showing off his crushed velvet blue gloves. The thief barely paid attention to the story at all. If anything, Yardale seemed like a small kingdom whose king was slowly fading away. Something familiar itched at the back of (Y/N)'s mind but it wasn't anything that garnered alarm so he didn't push it. Instead he hoped he nodded at the right moments and remembered to listen for questions until they made it to the throne room in the Luminary's castle. 

The guards were standing there like before, dressed in crimson robes with the blue luminary smock resting over the basic tunic and trousers. Upon closer inspection (Y/N) took note of the glint of metal that rested beneath the smocks, a chest plate, along with leather protectors that rested on their forearms and lower legs. Their trousers were tucked into dark leather boots, looking well worn from each of them. Their hands were covered in similar leather gloves, stained a darker maroon.

Once more they nodded, though this time towards Christophe, who grunted in return and waited for the large doors to swing open. 

The hall wasn't as marvelous as before, the curtains closed shut as the Luminary sat on her thrown. She held a letter in her hands, eyebrows nearly touching as she frowned into the hand that was holding her up. Her posture was stiff once more, though this time it didn't relax when she was alerted of their entrance. There was steel in her eyes, intense and (Y/N) was struck with the sense that  _this_ was the leader of this peaceful kingdom. She straightened, resting her arm on the edge of her thrown.

"Your Luminescence," Gregory said, dropping to a knee on the carpet leading to the thrown. 

"Gregory," she replied. Her voice didn't hold the same cheery warmth as he remembered from the day before. It was hard, cold, calculating and a shiver of dread ran down the (H/C)-net's spine. "It's been a while."

A forced smile was on the blond's face. "Indeed, your majesty, it has."

"The last time you were here the kingdom nearly fell to ruins. If it wasn't for the princess we would have ceased all contact from your country and disbanded any of our people from the Riders. So whatever it has that has  _you_ back in my throne room, it better be good." Her eyes were narrowed and slight movement from behind the throne caught his eyes. Gregory must have seen it as well, for his eyes flickered slightly, widened, and glanced back down to the floor.

There were two guards dressed in tight clothing, hands resting comfortably and ready on weapons as they watched the consultation. A woman with long brown hair tied in a right ponytail was on her right, two katana attacked to her person, a tail swishing in warning. On the left was what (Y/N) recognized to be a fox demon, teeth barred threateningly as he edged closer to the throne. Before leaving the day before he remembered asking Christophe about the fox demons specifically. They were vicious creatures, ones that didn't partake in being ordered around or following someone else's rules and to have one fight for you was a sign of power and trust.

"So convince me, Gregory, and I'll see if the people of Mersar would be willing to...  _help_ you this time, once again."

Gregory gulped and rose from his position on the floor. Christophe rolled his eyes and moved to the nearest window, leaning against the wall as he lit a cigarette. (Y/N) stayed where he was.

"My lady, this is a request from the princess herself," he began. "Her brother is sick and dying, her father following closely. He is listening to a man whose words are poisonous and lead to the Riders of Yardale being banished. She wishes that you help us this one final time, as a redemption for the last, and help heal our once great kingdom."

The Luminary got up from her throne, the parchment still in her hands, which were placed in front of her as she glided down from the throne. She walked to Gregory, who immediately bowed once more when he saw her get up, only watching her feet as she came closer. She stopped and didn't say anything.

"Please, your highness," Gregory pleaded, not looking up. "My brother in all but blood and title is dying as we speak, his father in mortal peril and his sister, your friend, will surely fall under the same curse."

Silence.

All (Y/N) could do was watch Cindy's reaction. She looked down at Gregory in contempt, as if she couldn't be bothered with listening to his plea. But it slowly melted into exasperation. It couldn't be helped. Gregory was a smooth talker and would get what he wanted most of the time. But this would be the last it would work for now.

"Gregory of Yardale, I'll send some of my people to help your kingdom. But only those who would be willing to forgive the slight we suffered months ago. Remember that this isn't for your words, but rather for Heidi's. If it wasn't for the letter I received before you arrived, I would have turned you away faster than the Grand Wizard could throw a spell. So count your lucky stars, Gregory." Her last words were back to the cold she had before.

The knight of Yardale thanked her profoundly, going as far as kissing her feet in gratitude. She rolled her eyes and shoo'd him away, making him stand and face her directly.

"I'll send our new recruit-- "she glanced at (Y/N) when she said this" --with you but you can't keep him. By the end of this week he has to make a decision between kingdoms and it would be beneficial for him to see them all. I'll have someone make a mission slip to put on the Mission Board and you can tell them the price for those that are interested. You'll leave tomorrow before noon. Those are my conditions."

"I understand, your greatness," Gregory said, his smooth smile back on his face. "I give you our thanks once more."

"Just leave before I change my mind."

The knight turned on his heel and proudly marched out, head held high, and The Mole and (Y/N) scurried after him. The latter felt a little pissed that he didn't get a choice on whether or not he was going but he realized he didn't mind in the end. It meant that he was going to explore more of the kingdoms and see the different sights. Hell, maybe he'll manage to get into the Drow Elf territory and see King Kyle in all his glory. The glimpse he saw earlier that day didn't satisfy him.

"Ze mizzion statment zhould be up wizhin ze 'our," Christophe said once they left the throne room. "Zo get rest before you meet wizh ze pauvres imbéciles*." Then he left them to leave the palace themselves. 

Gregory turned to the thief besides him. "You must be the new recruit. I did not miss the look her highness sent you, Sir (Y/N)," he started, grasping onto (Y/N)'s right hand with his own. "I must thank you for your courage, so I'll meet with you tomorrow morning in front of the Mission Board when the sun reaches ten." 

The two left the castle and (Y/N) returned to the mission board half an hour after wandering the kingdom. Two new missions had been added, one for catching Tora, a cat that must have escaped multiple times in the past for he heard groans from other mission takers that noticed it, and one with the royal insignia of the kingdom, the Luminary's signature placed near the bottom. There hadn't seemed to be any takers but the thief would really see who would take on the mission tomorrow morning when he met up with Gregory of Yardale.

 

***

 

When (Y/N) woke up he was thankful that it wasn't a school day, but his smile turned into a frown when he remembered who he had to deal with later that morning. Groaning as he rolled out of bed, he took time in the shower before dressing in his thief costume. He didn't pull the hood on just yet, stomping down the stairs to have breakfast before he left.

The (Y/N)-net was surprised to see his father sitting at the table, newspaper in hand as he took sips from his coffee mug. (Y/N) recognized it to be the father's day present he gave him when he was seven, but didn't think on it further. His other mugs must have been dirty.

"Good morning, kiddo," his father greeted, sending him a smile that his son didn't return. Instead he got a glare and he sighed. (Y/N) was still mad about the move. "I see you're rebeling against the modern fashions this year." His father pointed towards the clothes he had on. "Surely you'd be warmer wearing your normal hoodie?"

(Y/N) rolled his eyes, frowning. "I'm in a super important FLARP group, dad. It's not like you'll understand."

"Oh, I took part in some FLARP tournaments back in my day, when Lord of the Rings and things like it were cool. I'll have you know I was the best back home. Your grandmother could prove that!"

"That's not the same."

"Oh? Then explain to me how it's different?"

"I can't! I have a mission in ten minutes so I can't stay too long," (Y/N) merely said, grabbing a bottle water and an apple before absconding as quickly as possible. As he walked down the street, he ate and drank until he came across a recycling bin, which he but the bottle in and threw the apple core into some bushes nearby. 

Then he put on the hood.

Around him trees grew larger and thicker until he was surrounded by a familiar forest. When things were situated, he continued his way to Mersar, where he sat on a bench to wait for Gregory and whoever could stand him.

"A good morning to you, my handsome thief," the pompous voice said, Gregory appearing out of no where. "Right on time. I congratulate you. Our companions should be arriving soon."

(Y/N) didn't reply, just leant back against the bench and waited as Gregory of Yardale took a seat next to him. The knight began to him something and (Y/N) silently enjoyed it when he reached the deep baritone notes but didn't comment. It was like that for a good five minutes before the others arrived.

There were going to be three people along with (Y/N) and the Yardale Rider. Lady Wendy, a highborn that learned the ways of a cavalier, was probably the most skilled. She wielded not only a lance that was always strapped to her back but a long sword that she held in a sheath on her pure bread Spanish-Norman named Cinnamon. Like Cindy, she was doing this for the princess, Heidi, who was an old friend of the dark haired woman. Lady Wendy wore bronze armor that looked to be tinted pink and purple, which matched the armor on Cinnamon, her long black haired tied back for her helmet to easily slide on.

Then there was Mike, or how he preferred, Lord Vampir of the Underworld. He dressed in blacks and greens, draped in a fashion of the laces and ripped cloaks. He claimed to be the lord of the undead and immortal and (Y/N) would have laughed if it weren't for the two sharp canines that didn't look to be friendly. His long fingers didn't help, as the sharp nails were painted black and the dark red cravat around his neck didn't look to be a fashion statement. Whatever his reasonings for helping Gregory were unknown, as he seemed to be more interested in flirting with the thief and their third companion.

Pete was one of the fewer Vikings that littered the kingdom of Mersar. He looked ready to jump off a building than to follow Gregory but he reasoned that he needed the money more than he needed to worry about fucking around with fucking conformists. The Viking looked more prepared with battle than Lord Vampir, as he weilded the double bladed axe with ease when (Y/N) asked about it. The (H/C)-net felt a little cheated that he couldn't have an axe or even knew that a barbarian (which could have been an equal to a viking to the Kingdom of Kupa Keep) was an option. But the black-and-red haired boy was stuck with them for the rest of the mission.

At noon, the three of them were on their way out of the kingdom, relying on Gregory and Lady Wendy's guideship through the thick forests and flat planes of the country before them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *poor fools (accourding to google)
> 
> Another comparison to LOTR! Since we really don't know much about Yardale other than what Gregory tells us, so I weaved something of my own. So Yardale is like Rohan of sorts. I planned to do Gondor originally but, well.... That meant trying a little harder with that so I'll stick with this cause it makes more sense.


	11. Yardale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeeeeey....  
> So, I messed up on the week thing... I said I would do it and I didn't.... I'm pulling the mental illness card. I just didn't feel like doing anything anymore and I'm miserable at work and at home....
> 
> Oh! I just had this idea but do you guys want art added to the chapters? Like, fanart from you guys or something I can possibly come up with? I know they can mess with the format of the chapters, like making a really awkward gap on the sides of the screen and stuff and ruining scrolling on phones, but it might be an added bonus to the fact that I don't update as often as I want to... Just a thought... not definite.
> 
> Anyways, I'm bringing you another chapter and hopfully there'll be flirting galore ;P
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> :)

 

 

(Y/N) wanted to kill Gregory of Yardale. Oh, it wasn't just because of his pompous attitude. The blond knight clearly thought he was better than everyone, slipping into that weird accent of his that he couldn't really place whenever he was getting into a particularly annoying rant. It was that and the fact that (Y/N) was sure that Gregory of Yardale was purposely trying to get them lost. 

If it wasn't for Lady Wendy, the thief was sure that they'd be knee deep in a swamp with rabid mosquitoes dive bombing them for a tasty breakfast, wishing that they were dead before the first infectious insect reached their skin. Despite the urgency that the blond had when they were back in Mersar, he seemed lackadaisical now, his steed going at a lazy trot as he boasted to their cavalier, his chest seeming to be frozen fifteen inches from what was normal for human anatomy. Maybe Gregory wasn't human and that's why he was fucking annoying. 

That left (Y/N) to deal with the other two of their party: Lord Vampir of the Underworld and Pete the Viking. While they weren't necessarily talkative to each other, they didn't seem to have any qualms with talking to (Y/N) himself. Which was good, cause he  _really_ needed more information about how things work in this goddamn world or else he was sure he'd mess up with some hidden rule that everyone else knew but him.

"Wait, so there's healing potions? Why didn't anyone tell me this when I started this damn life?" he asked. Mike-fuck, Lord Vampir, had mentioned the rule about healing, a fair trade that was put in a treaty between King Fatass and the Drow Elf King. The former had wanted ten opportunities to heal in one turn, which was turned down immediately by the latter. 

"Of course we can heal, we're not barbarians," Lord Vampir sniffed, adjusting his gloved grip on his reigns. "Of course, you have to keep track of how many you have, but since you're knew, I understand how angry you must feel, being left out of things. Especially since you came from the kingdom run by an asshole (Pardon my Romanian)." At the end of his tiny speech, the dark haired vampire rested a hand on (Y/N)'s arm in a comforting manner, as if a simple touch could fix everything. It just made the (H/C)-net feel a little uncomfortable. "If you need anything, just know that I'm here to help as much as I am able." A grin with a flash of sharp canines was sent his way.

Pete scoffed on (Y/N)'s other side, tossing his long fringe to the side as he rolled his eyes. "I'm not surprised that idiot left this type of thing out when you got here, fucking conformist fatass..."

That caught (Y/N)'s attention.

"Excuse me?"

Another eye roll. 

"I think my...  _lovely_ companion is trying to say is that the Grand Wizard is a corrupt leader who manipulates whoever is in his control. The princess of Yardale used to be his lover, until the Elf King managed to break them apart after some rather... terrible politcal moves," Vampir continued. All (Y/N) could notice was that his hand was still on his left arm. 

"So if this is the same princess we're trying to save, then why isn't the King of the elves here with us?"

"You're the dumbest thief I've ever met," Pete said bluntly. "Oh,  _why_ wouldn't a king of an entire people drop all of his duties to save one princess, leaving his kingdom to suffer under his advisors, come with five lowly members of a mercenary kingdom to save another?" He gave (Y/N) a deadpanned look when he finished his sarcastic remark. "I dunno, you tell me."

"Fuck off."

"Oh how I wish I could but I still need money."

"That's why the Luminary has you in her kingdom for the next few days," Vampir continued, shooting a glare over at the Viking. "She knows her cousin nearly as well as the Grand Wizard's friends, knows how he can manipulate those he's around. Only once have we seen someone other then her or three others control the wizard but that was eons ago, lore among men. I barely remember it myself but I know for sure it had happened." (Y/N) looked down at his arm as Lord Vampir gave his hand a squeeze. "She brought you here so you can actually learn what the New Kid wasn't able to see until after the entire fiasco all those years ago."

"The New Kid, Dova-whatever, he was on the Grand Wizard's side once before," Pete said, continuing the conversation. He glared at everything around him, taking a drag from his cigarette. He must have lit it while Vampir was talking. "Betrayed him for the elves or some shit after he managed to recruit us Vikings. We didn't stay long enough to see which side he chose, just knew that they were idiots to think that our desks had pockets underneath. After that we left."

"So there was a bigger battle before this one? Caused by the New Kid before me, huh?"

"Fuck yeah."

"Anything else I need to know about this place? Any other kingdoms, people, secrets about the Dovahkiin guy?" (Y/N) asked, more sarcastic than anything. Everything up to now had been fine until he found out that he was being left in the dark by everyone.

"Well, he's stupidly attractive."

"Bruh!"

"Okay, well that really isn't a secret, I guess..."

"Ugh, something normal!"

 

***

 

Yardale was a disappointment. A huge fucking disappointment. The way Gregory had seemed (Y/N) was expecting something along the lines of a large, prosperous kingdom built with white and grey stones, jewels glittering along the cobblestone pathway that attracted the eyes of those visiting. That the people would be happy and filled to the brim with riches among riches Instead, they got something no where near that vision.

The kingdom was in the middle of a vast plain of land, wild flowers littering the area, though as they rode closer to the kingdom, more and more dead or dying plants were visible, as if they were being poisoned by the presence around them. The kingdom was made of bleached wood and stone, except for what could be considered a castle, which was dark mahogany with iron woks hanging from the rafters and placed upon pillars that lined the walkway. But what really caught their attention was how neglected everything and everyone was.

The people were looking up at them as if they had lost all hope. Their skin was sunken, their cheekbones protruding from their skin that didn't seem natural at all and made (Y/N) wonder why Gregory was so well off compared to the rest of the citizens. The ground was littered with torn clothes and other mementos that seemed charred until they turned to dust. There wasn't anything of value among the people anymore, not really. Not now.

Gregory led them to the stables, handing off his steed to the shaky page boy who collected their own horse's reigns and lead the animals to their own stalls, leaving the blond knight to lead their owners to the main problem: the King and his adviser.

"We're going in through the back door first, to meet with the princess. She wanted to speak with you before you meet with the King and... well, his "Hand"..."

As they walked behind the castle, going down a steep hill that seemed as dead as the people around them, (Y/N) couldn't hold back his questions.

"Why are the people looking as if they haven't eaten in weeks while you look as if you just got done with a buffet and only ate a couple of chips?" he growled, glaring at the pompous asshole. 

"That's partly due to the fact that the Warriors of Yardale are allies to the King, meaning what he eats we eat. But it isn't until recently that they taxed the people more than usual, causing things to become expensive. I know we're close to a revolt, so that's why the princess called for help from Mersar and her Brightness," Gregory explained, looking as sober as he did back in Mersar only hours ago. "Trust me, if I could, I would feed those people as much as the King wastes his, but it's not up to me anymore. Not since we were banned from entering any part of the castle without the king knowing."

"That's why we're speaking with Princess Heidi first, isn't it, Gregory," Lady Wendy asked, looking coldly at the knight. It wasn't said as a question, but more like she already knew the answer. "We'll get an insider point of view, see the problem for what it is from who is really threatened, even go out and talk to those that don't find it hard to defy the King and his Hand."

"Indeed, my lady." Gregory looked tired. "She'll be glad to know that you're here as well, Lady Wendy. She has missed you."

"I have as well."

And in they went, stepping into a stone archway that was hidden behind a large cluster of trees that lead into the hill the castle was on, a shaky wooden staircase leading upwards. They were silent as they climbed, only the sounds of heavy breathing and their armor dully echoing around the musky cave. 

The five reached another door, this time wooden with a brass knocker attached directly in the middle. Gregory reached up, knocked out an unfamiliar pattern, and they waited.

Waited.

Waited.

And waited.

Until the door creaked open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had planned to publish this yesterday but lost interest. This morning, while I was trying to go back to sleep after driving my mom to work, I think I was punished, cause there was a spider crawling across the pillow next to my head. I had to fight for my life. Please forgive me.


	12. Pressing Matters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been a long time, hasn't it?
> 
> Well, I've got some news!
> 
> I have a Discord now. That means ya'll can contact me and chat it up whenever you want. If you're interested I'm "cows4ever #3341", but only if you want to talk.
> 
> Also, if you have any fanart you can send me a link in the comments or on my tumblr (robespierrewazhere)
> 
> I think that's it news wise so ON WITH THE STORY! (sorry it's really late, work and shit)
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> :)

 

A woman dressed in a long and dark elegant gown stood on the other side of the door. Her hair was a light brown that reminded (Y/N) of brown sugar, with a frontal fringe that framed her face, a section of hair on each side plaited and tied delicately at the back of her head to meet with the rest of her long hair. Her layered gown was a dark green color with a long beige belt fastened at her waist, a pouch tied on her left hip. And with how Lady Wendy brightened, (Y/N) guessed that this must be Princess Heidi.

"Wendy! I'm so happy you're here!" The princess exclaimed, pushing the door open some more before running to pull black haired girl into a hug. The cavalier easily returned it and if there were tears in their eyes, no one mentioned it. (Y/N) gave a small fond smile towards the two, thinking back on the many heartwarming moments that he has felt with his own friends... Was there any? How the fuck should he know? To be honest, he really wasn't paying that much attention anyways so if there was any he probably forgot about it already.

Once all the mushy gushy feelings were shared between the two women, they parted and the princess glanced to the rest of their party. She barely looked at Gregory even though he was the one who brought them all to her rescue and focused on the other three. It seemed she was more interested in them, considering how different they all were: a viking, a vampire lord and a level 2 thief. And if she was thinking "Well, fuck, what the hell am I supposed to do with these guys?!" it didn't fucking show. (Y/N) was pretty bad with guessing thoughts and he should definitely stop and not make it a hobby.

"Are these my warriors?" Princess Heidi asked, tucking back a strand of brown sugar colored hair, looking curiously at them all still. 

"My lad-"

"I didn't ask you, Gregory," she said coldly. Her voice was now cold and void of anything positive. "You are still not in my good graces. I'm surprised that the Luminary even posted our plea for enough warriors to be able to walk these halls."

"My lady, I still humbly apologize for my past discretion on the kingdom bu-"

This time Gregory of Yardale cut himself off, seeing the passive look his highness was giving him, stepping back and looking down at his armored shoes. (Y/N) berated himself for even feeling a little bad for the guy, but he was secretly a sucker for the kicked puppy face and couldn't stay mad at someone that pulled it. For anyone. It was very annoying.

"Wendy?" The princess turned her full attention back to the noble. 

"Yes. It seems that not many Mersarians were up to coming back if Gregory was involved," Wendy stated sadly. "But the Luminary sent one of her newest recruits. Don't know how good he is but if she recommended him herself..." she trailed off, giving Princess Heidi that look girls usually give each other, with the widening of their eyes, the raised brows and a small Mona Lisa smile while tilting their head just slightly.

(Y/N) felt very uncomfortable now. That wasn't a good look. No sir-ee bob!

Princess Heidi blushed ( _seriously_ , (Y/N) thought,  _what did Lady Wendy fucking imply?!_ ) and gave a small pleased nod. She quickly ushered them in now and (Y/N) was glad to be inside the darkly lit hallway, despite it's eerie vibe. It was a lot warmer than outside.

"Your highness," Lord Vampir began, placing a gloved hand on his chest, bowing gracefully in her direction before walking on her left, just a little behind her. "It simply is a pleasure to be helping you with your... hand problem, but I must ask what the entire issue is."

(Y/N) heard a sharp intake of breath though he wasn't sure who from. Lady Wendy and Gregory looked quite stone-faced. Pete didn't seem all that worried about the entire ordeal and lit a cigarette, muttering about wanting some "good damn, non-conformist coffee". The fuck dude?

As for the princess, the (H/C)-net watched as her back stiffened, her shoulders straighten and her fist clench before relaxing and she continued forwards as she had before.

"Gladly. Let's just find a much more private speaking place than the emergency exit."

A few extra minutes later the six of them were in an unnamed room with two of Yardale's finest guards guarding the entrance as tea was being brought to the room. (Y/N) felt sick at the thought of receiving something so high class while the citizens were barely getting bread. What was it that one queen once said that caused an entire revolution? 

Oh right.

"Let them eat cake."

Yeah, not something one can really say right now that would get this kingdom jumping up and down in happiness, is it?

"There is a man who has poisoned the ears, eyes, and voice of my king. He has made it so that my king can no longer see our people are starving, hear their woes and pleas for help and kindness and has even ordered Warriors of Yardale to leave and never come back. If it weren't for the fact that I caught them before they could storm off, you wouldn't even be here and there  _would_ be no hope for us," the princess said. She looked down at her hands, which lay limp and fragile in her lap.

(Y/N) spoke up. 

"And this is your Hand?"

"Yes, young thief," Heidi nodded. "He is a vile creature and how he managed to get so high with all of our security and social details, I would never know but somehow he managed it. If it weren't for his lack of... well, a body, I would have guessed it would be his ability to bounce back after each failure that 'we' have had." (Y/N) literally heard the air quotes in her voice and held back a small snort of amusement.

This guy must be super ugly then, by her words. 

No, bad (Y/N)! Don't laugh about someone's looks! That's like laughing about someone's personality and people all seem to love that bit. Even if someone doesn't really have one of those either.

"I'm afraid to ask, princess," Lady Wendy joined in. "But who is your new hand? Last I heard, it was Dovahkiin who offered to be His Majesty's hand. What happened?"

"He was cast aside like all the others. You know how rocky the king and he had started all those years ago. I was sure after they kissed and made up things would finally return to normal but than  _he_ showed up and ruined EVERYTHING!" Princess Heidi squealed, frustrated.

"But who is he, woman!?" Pete growled, annoyed.

"Mitch fucking Conner."

Fuck.

Wait.

Who?

 

 

****

 

 

A couple hundred of years ago, in the Temple of Tacos, a woman named Jennifer Lopez gave birth to a son. Her husband, Ben "Thompson" Affleck, had been so excited that he traveled all the way to Winsconsondom to bring his TPS riddled parents to meet their first ever grandchild. Sadly, he parrished on his way and Jennifer Lopez went crazy with grief.

She raised her son alone in the temple, surrounded by nothing but tacos, raising her son as a daughter. This was only the start to his psychotic breakdown that would happen years later and one that people would remember for centuries after.

His name being Yennifer Lopez, he thought he enjoyed Taco Flavored Keesees (or TFK as it later became to be known, a disease of the psyche), and would later become a hit wonder. His feminine appearance in later years brought his father's ghost back from the dead and made it fall in love with him, though even after discovering who he was Ben Affleck's TPS riddled ghost wouldn't seem to mind the incestuous relationship they later shared.

It wasn't until he was much older and after his mother jumped off a cliff, dragging her carriage with her, did he become who he truly was: Mitch Conner. 

He aided in the creation of the Kingdom of Kupa Keep, helping his brother in all but blood, the Grand Wizard, rule for nearly a hundred years. But his TFK couldn't be kept at bay for long.

Mitch Conner went crazy. He nearly killed Princess Kenny, who, at the time, was only a youngling half-orc half-human princess, her kingdom still up and running before the stick was introduced.

He killed hundreds more before he was run off by both kingdoms who had allied for the first time, sent to the darkest parts of their world. He stewed there for years to come, thinking up ways to get back at his brother. He missed his first chance, when Dovahkiin came, when the New Kid was fresh and new and he could use his words to warp his curious mind to his side.

But it seemed that as his power grew so did his kingdom. He gained new allies, those who had hated on the Grand Wizard more and more as the decades flew by.

Unknown to most he had an army of Gingers, a serum to turn anyone he wanted into a Nazi Zombie, and so many more. In turn he knew he would have to step into the field himself to build a bigger army than he had now.

And so he started with the weakest kingdom: Yardale, where their king was the biggest crybaby ever, who loved tacos nearly as much as his mother, and a princess who was still affected by the relationship she had once had with his brother.

And he just needed that new New Kid on his side. Once that thief was on his side, others would follow. Because unlike Dovahkiin, where his mind and farts were stronger than he, this kid was still fresh for the taking. He had no true sides.

He had to get him first.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MITCH FUCKING CONNER PEOPLE! HE'S HERE!  
> I actually didn't plan for him to be the bad guy until he appeared in **SPOILERS I SWEAR TO GOD THIS IS A SPOILER** the new South Park game and I was like "Oh yeah, he still exists" and my love for him turned to hate cause oh my god was he annoying!!!!!


End file.
